- July 8th, 2007
if there was ever a timeline of when to contemplate, i can see where now would fit perfectly. thirty thousand ideas, memories, randomness are swimming helplessly along a river without an end. it's not that i don't want to focus, i just don't have the focus to start. so, now i am sitting here, listening to this external stimulus and fading out. my eye is twitching and i unaware of the cause. sometimes i wonder about how life could have been if just a minor event never occurred. just random acts like getting a sandwich or watching a show on television. how much change could it possibly be? i am definitely wearing a mask from the night before.
do you ever look up into the night sky and get depressed? and when i say depressed, i mean near to the point where you feel so insignificant that even killing yourself would have no significance. how abstract of a thought is it that everything that we know and value and want to hold true is just a figment of human imagination. there is nothing that is concrete. and i say this in the context of someone, somewhere, at sometime in history had to have had the idea to find an explanation for whatever it was at hand. take for example the word "drawer". everybody knows what the physical object is. it's a box that has a side that slides out and you can put things into it. well, at what point does one find it necessary to look at that and say "you know, i think that should be called a 'drawer'"? and that can be applied to anything in life. not to say that we can deny physical existences of objects. they are clearly there in our presence, but to explain what it is, what it is made of, and where it came from, that is all the human mind at work creating an explanation. and to be completely honest, there is nothing about this rant, or objective analysis, or whatever you want to call it that i truly want you (whoever is reading this mindless babbling)to stop in your life and wonder yourself (although you should). i really just want to know if there is anyone who thinks this way? does anybody feel this way? does anybody feel like i do? i just want an intellectual to converse with.